3 Ways We Sabotage Ourselves

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen.” ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

There usually isn’t a straight path to achieving a goal or dream. There may be unexpected U-turns or bumps in the road. What about when we are the ones who unknowingly create such barriers? We make excuses, see obstacles, or give in to fear. That is what’s known as self-sabotage. There are many ways we sabotage ourselves. Here are three ways in which we do:

Copying Someone Else
When I was younger I loved to sing! (I still do.) I practiced hitting the same high notes as Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey, but couldn’t quite get there. As I grew older I realized that being a singer was not my life’s purpose. As my life and career evolved, I learned that by not being yourself you unwittingly mask your own gifts and uniqueness. Knowing this, had I decided to become a singer I would have sung in my own style. I would not be Whitney Houston. I would not be Mariah Carey. I would be Christine Ferguson. As you set out to be whatever it is you decide to be, remember there is only one you. Be your unique and brilliant self!

Also see: Own Your Greatness

Believing You Are Not as Smart as Others
After opening my résumé writing service in the mid-1990s, I felt there were writers in the industry who were more talented. I learned from others as I grew my business, joined a professional association, and became a Certified Résumé Writer. One day a friend asked: why not publish your own résumé writing book? I replied that I had not reached that level in my career. Certainly there were more experienced writers, but by BELIEVING I wasn’t smart enough, I robbed myself of the confidence to write a book based on my level of expertise. Sometimes what is needed is more confidence, not more “smarts.” Whatever you feel you may be lacking, you can always turn to others for help. Most writers, for example, never publish a book by themselves.

Buying into Negative Self-Talk
Negative self-talk is one of the most common ways in which we sabotage ourselves. Some of the things we tell ourselves are simply atrocious: I’m unworthy of love or success. I’m a failure. I do not deserve to live. Thoughts are real. When you feed yourself these negative thoughts, your subconscious mind believes them and these thoughts manifest themselves in your behaviors. In the book, The Power of the Platform: Speakers on Life, I address the issue of negative self-talk. One way is to practice replacing negative thought with positive ones. Eventually, you will become better at turning down the negative self-talk. You can also begin to shift your thoughts by focusing on your gifts and the positive aspects of your life.

For more tips and success strategies, click here to download the free article 8 Ways to Think Like a Winner.

How have you sabotaged yourself and how did you resolve it?
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Believe in Yourself: The Little Engine That Knows it Will

"Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe."
–Gail Devers, U.S. Olympic Champion

As children, through stories such as The Little Engine That Could, we are taught to believe in ourselves and our abilities. Yet, since opening my first business fifteen years ago, I continue to speak with people who question their own abilities. My first company was a résumé writing service and I spent time interviewing clients to learn about their backgrounds and achievements.

Some clients felt they had limited abilities and little to offer potential employers. One such client had a goal of becoming a speech therapist. Besides pursuing an education in this field, she felt she had no real experience or qualifications.

During our session, I discovered she had been caring for her speech-impaired son for the last six years. As a result, she had acquired a wealth of information through her interactions with professional therapists and others who were assisting with her son’s care. With the help of these professionals, she cared for her son ultimately creating noticeable improvements in his condition.

She was pleased to learn her experience qualified as information she could provide on her résumé. So we did exactly that, thereby giving her the confidence and belief in her abilities she needed to begin her job search.

Sometimes people are unaware of their potential and abilities, particularly the abilities of the mind. Because of this unawareness, their abilities are underutilized. One way to build confidence and belief in yourself is to compile a list of your physical abilities (e.g., I work well with my hands) and your mental abilities (e.g., I have determination).

In the same way a résumé provides you with an inventory of your achievements, skills, and experience, this list will demonstrate what you have to offer. Like my client who was surprised to discover she had six years’ experience, you may be amazed at the abilities have to offer.

While The Little Engine That Could provides a valuable lesson in its "I think I can" message, you can further improve your confidence and transform your beliefs into reality by changing your language from “I think I can” to "I will!"

For more success strategies and tips, click here to download a signed copy of "8 Ways to Think Like a Winner."

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