The Trouble With Asking “What Am I Doing Wrong?”

"We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what's wrong in your life, or you can focus on what's right." ~ Marianne Williamson.

As you seek opportunities and solutions for moving toward your goals, at times you may feel you're not getting the results you want. Soon you embark on a self-induced cycle of asking, "What am I doing wrong?"

Although it is important to evaluate where you and where you are going, as well as what's working and what's not working, constantly asking yourself "What am I doing wrong?" is not the best approach.

Many studies show that focusing on problems tends to create fatigue and resistance, whereas looking for opportunities to build on strengths inspires and motivates you.

Why You Get What You Focus On
There's an area of the brain known as the Reticular Activating System (RAS, pronounced "raz"). Its most important function is considered to be its control of consciousness; this includes its ability to filter out non-essential information and consciously focus attention on something.

For example, you buy a car and you soon notice other cars of the same make, model, and color. Or your TV is quietly playing in the background when suddenly you hear a certain word and automatically you begin listening to what's being said.

That is because your brain focuses on where you put your energy and it creates its reality around that. In other words, you get what you focus on.

So when you put all your energy on the negative, that is what your brain processes. When you focus your thoughts on what's not working in your life, you create more of that reality.

Instead, ask yourself what reality you want to create and spend time focusing on that. In essence, focus on what you want, rather than what you do not want.

This doesn't mean ignoring challenges or areas for improvement. It does mean that always focusing on what's wrong does not produce the results you want.

Shift Your Focus
Two simple ways to shift your focus from what's not working (and change your results) are:

1. Focus on your strengths and how they can help you overcome challenges and create the reality you want.
2. Celebrate small milestones as a reminder of your progress and what's working.

Never doubt the power within to create your reality and always remember you deserve peace, love, and success.

It’s Time To Stop Blaming Yourself

“When you know better, you do better.” ~ Maya Angelou

As humans, we do not always take the best course of action. This means we are likely to make mistakes that hurt others -- including our loved ones.

Years later, unable to forgive ourselves, we live in a state of perpetual blame and guilt. It's time to stop blaming yourself for negative decisions and actions you've made in the past.

Whether you didn't spend enough time with your children, didn't love your parents enough... forgive yourself, learn from it, and move on.

If you've genuinely asked for the forgiveness of others (and you'd be wise to do so); yet they continue to hold your actions against you, you are no longer responsible for facilitating their forgiveness.

This does not mean you resent those individuals who are not willing to forgive you. They may not be ready to do so and perhaps they never will.

Unawareness (or unconsciousness) of how your actions might affect others can cause you to think and act in ways that do not promote positive outcomes. (For more on consciousness, I HIGHLY recommend the book A New Earth.)

For example, you might have been unaware that spending more time at the office, instead of with your children, caused them to feel neglected and abandoned.

To paraphrase the wise Maya Angelou, now that you know better, you DO BETTER.