How To Approach Annoying People and Situations

“If you don’t get the lesson, it shows up wearing another pair of pants—or skirt—to give you some remedial work.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

“Why does my pesky co-worker keep asking me to teach her the same task over and over?” “How come my cousin never comes to my defense when I’m faced with conflict?” “Why is my friend such a scatterbrain? You won’t believe what she did!”

I’ve been asked these and other questions by people frustrated with everything from co-workers to relatives.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, here’s an approach that benefits you and the other person.

Seek First To Understand
You may not always know what someone has experienced or is experiencing in his or her life or why s/he acts in a certain way. Perhaps the co-worker who repeatedly requests your help is fearful of making mistakes and sees you as someone s/he can trust to help overcome the situation.

When you take the time to treat others with patience and understanding, rather than with judgments and criticisms, the same comes back to you and the other person remembers you for how you treated him or her.

It’s Not About Them, It’s About You
Your frustrating experiences are usually not about the other person. Quite often they are about how YOU choose to respond in those moments. Do you treat others with kindness and respect? Do you treat them like they matter? Or do you see them as idiots who deserve your ire?

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

All of humanity is faced with situations that test us and build our character. When you choose to respond with anger, impatience, or disrespectfulness, the lesson (patience, respect, understanding, humility...) continues to show up until it is learned.

This concept can be difficult for some to grasp. “You don’t understand,” they’ll say, “this person is taking up my time…making my life miserable…inconveniencing me…” So they continue to respond in the same manner while wondering why such frustrating situations persist.

Certainly you get to set boundaries so others treat you fairly and respectfully. Even so, you can choose to resolve situations respectfully.

The next time you are faced with an "annoying" person or frustrating situation, stop and think of the other person and choose how you will respond to him or her. Remember, s/he is your fellowman. And ask yourself what lesson you may be learning in that moment.

To Set Yourself Up For Success Ask This Important Question

As you set out to achieve your goals and dreams, you may be asking what you need to do in order to bring them to fruition.

Another important question to ask is, "Who do I need to become to get from where I am to where I want to be?" Who you are is not a matter of what you do for a living. Rather, it is a matter of who you are on the inside.

Here are a few questions to consider (and why to consider them) as you assess who to become:

Am I grateful for what I already have?
Why: Be grateful for what you already have before expecting more.
This also means being grateful for your challenges because they serve a purpose in your life. "If you start focusing on what you have and what you're grateful for, you will begin to see more." ~ Oprah Winfrey

Do I operate from my ego or from humility?
Why: The ego is the source of many of our problems.
As Eckhart Tolle states in his blockbuster book, A New Earth, "Many people don't realize until they are on their deathbed and everything external falls away that no thing ever had anything to do with who they are."

Do I genuinely care about others?
Why: Life is largely about caring for your fellowman.
When you care about others you enrich their lives and ultimately your own. Watch this short, powerful video of a CNN Hero who does exactly that.

Do I choose positive thoughts over negative ones?
Why: Whatever you give your focus and energy to, that is what you attract into your life.
You may not always be able to control what happens to you in life. However, you can choose your attitude.

As you assess who to become to get to where you want to be, consider qualities that will strengthen your character, attract opportunities into your life, and positively set you up to manage the successes (and setbacks) that come your way.

Real Leadership: Oprah Winfrey

Oprah's Farewell Spectacular

As the final Oprah Winfrey Show airs this week, we are reminded of her dynamic legacy and her exemplary leadership.

An Empowering Leader
In the twenty-five years since her show debuted, Oprah has inspired millions to live their best life. The Oprah Show was more than a show. It was a finely tuned instrument that purposefully transformed lives. It was a powerful source of hope, empowerment, and limitless possibilities.

A Beacon of Humanity
The hallmark of Oprah’s leadership is her remarkable and inherent compassion for others.

She has given a voice to the voiceless and healed the lives of many. She has motivated people to rise up despite adversity, taught them to aspire to something far greater than they imagine, and gifted them with the ability to believe in themselves.

By spreading messages of love, peace, and tolerance, Oprah has caused people around the world to have new and different perspectives. Her show has brought laughter to our lives, hope to our hearts, and spirituality to our souls.

Humility and Generosity
Oprah has given generously to enrich the lives of countless families and individuals. Through her philanthropy, thousands of young men and women have received an education. As she makes the leap to the Oprah Winfrey Network, she remains humble and giving, and her focus remains on helping and inspiring people.

An Enduring Legacy
Leaders like Oprah prove that when you care about others…when you seek to lift people up…not only do you earn their respect and admiration, you create a path to GREATNESS.

As we say farewell to the Oprah Winfrey Show, we are not saying goodbye to Oprah herself. She will continue to permeate humanity with her altruistic spirit, forever impressing upon us her legacy and her brilliance.

Real Leadership: Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King Day is January 17, 2011

As one of history’s most recognizable and influential leaders, Martin Luther King, Jr. not only sought justice and equality for African Americans, he sought those same rights for those who received unfair treatment. He also dedicated himself to ending poverty.

In 1968, King’s I’ve Been to the Mountaintop speech (delivered the day before his assassination), urged citizens to withdraw their support from companies that exercised unfair hiring policies. This was part of his strategy to gain fair wages and proper working conditions for sanitation workers.

But long before his speech of April 3, 1968, King’s reputation as a leader of character was evident in his words, actions, and attitudes. In his fight for freedom and equality, King relied on nonviolent action and dissuaded his followers from using violent tactics.

King embodied indisputable courage working doggedly and tirelessly for the benefit of humanity. He led and influenced others through the conviction of his faith, the strength of his beliefs, the breadth of his knowledge, and the power of his words.

His dynamic I Have a Dream speech of 1963 is perhaps his most famous for its unique eloquence and passion, among other unforgettable elements. But in one of his finest speeches, The Drum Major Instinct, King explains with exquisite clarity, the essence of leadership:

If you want to be important—wonderful. If you want to be recognized—wonderful. If you want to be great—wonderful. But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. That’s a new definition of greatness…[read entire speech…]

Among King’s attributes was his unpretentious ability to lead with humility and love, even under the gravest circumstances. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that,” said King.

In 1964 he received the Nobel Peace Prize for his longstanding activism against racial segregation and racial discrimination through nonviolent means.

Dr. King was indeed a remarkable leader. His legacy continues to inspire and his work and words will forever live in our hearts and minds.

What are some ways in which Dr. King inspires you?

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Taken from the Real Leadership Series, a monthly blog written by Christine Ferguson. Click here to visit the RLS site and read more blogs on real leaders.

Diplomacy Always Trumps Rudeness

"Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." -Unknown

After wrapping up my call with a bank representative she concluded with, "Thank you for being so nice." Her comment suggested she had encountered her share of impolite customers. You, too, may have experienced rudeness from clients, customer service representatives, co-workers, or even bosses.

Those who choose to be rude do so for any number of reasons including ranting and raving about a problem believing someone will be forced to resolve their issue.

If I Yell Loud Enough Someone Will Fix My Problem
Sometimes this approach may work, but at what cost? You may defame yourself or cause a company or an individual to avoid communication with you. In 2007, Sprint-Nextel terminated several customer relationships because they believed these customers had become too high maintenance. The company felt it had done everything it could to resolve calls from customers who were constantly disputing their bills. This does not mean the carrier’s response was justified. Yet, it shows being a squeaky wheel can generate the opposite response. Additionally, one can be a squeaky wheel without being rude.

Taking the High Road
When you are rude, one of the messages you send is that you do not respect that individual. Always be respectful of others. Wouldn’t you expect the same for yourself? You cannot expect to receive that which you are not willing to give. If rudeness gets the best of you, then apologize for your behavior. Imagine what that will do to resolve conflicts and improve relationships.

What are You Hiding?
Being rude may also suggest you have something to hide. During an Enron conference call a financial analyst stated, “You're the only financial institution that can't produce a balance sheet or cash flow statement with their earnings.” CEO Jeffrey Skilling reacted with this infamous remark, "Well, uh ... Thank you very much. We appreciate it ... a**hole!" Skilling’s rude reaction stemmed from the fact he had something to hide—Enron’s nonexistent earnings.

Diplomacy Trumps Rudeness
When you are diplomatic instead of rude, others will respond more favorably to you. After arriving at the airport a friend discovered her return flight had been delayed. Rather than make demands and get upset, she chose to adopt an attitude of "It is what it is." Do you know what happened next? In her words, "The ticket agent took the initiative, booked me on another flight that I didn't request, walked over to me and handed me new plane tickets!"

That’s diplomacy in action! When you trade rudeness for diplomacy you will create more positive relationships, position yourself as someone of character, and earn the respect of others.

What are some situations in which you have chosen diplomacy over rudeness?

Unleash your brilliance without boundaries,
Christine

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Humility Breeds Success

Humility is an important characteristic of a leader. Leaders who possess this quality and who are also interested in benefiting others rather than advancing their own self interests, achieve greater success with their teams and business.

Therefore, I couldn't agree more when I read this recent quote from Jim Collins, author of classic business books such as Good to Great and Built to Last. I thought it was timely and relevant:

"Leaders of great enduring companies possess a paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will, more like Lincoln than Patton; they're intent on building, contributing and creating something that will endure rather than furthering their own interests in fame, fortune or power."

In the course of leading your team, your company, or even your family, balance strength with humility to achieve greater success and lasting results.

Unleash your brilliance without boundaries,
Christine

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Visit website: www.christinenferguson.com
Follow the Enrichment Blog: christineferguson.blogspot.com
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